My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My dick has a subreddit
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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