She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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