trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i dont even know how to be here
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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