I hope mine doesn't look like that
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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