I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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