drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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