I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize