Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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