is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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