are you still at the devil's house?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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