I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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