We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
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All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
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I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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