I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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