Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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