and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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