I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize