It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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