I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
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He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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