Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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