Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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