At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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