my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
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I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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