Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
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all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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