I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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