I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize