This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
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I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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