he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize