just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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