I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The dick lei will go down in squad history
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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