I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize