I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
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when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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