It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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