why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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