just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize