I'm going to jail i love you
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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