My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
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I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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