Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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