Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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