I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
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Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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