I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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