Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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