Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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