We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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