Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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