god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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