In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
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well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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