New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
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she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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