he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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