Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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