tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
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Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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