the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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